Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees: Managing the Holiday “Gimmies”

As the holiday season approaches, angelic children everywhere turn into green-eyed monsters. You’ve seen it before. Just turn on the television and you’ll likely be confronted with commercials that leave your children screaming, “I want that!”

In today’s hardened economy, it’s important to manage children’s expectations about the holidays and help them create realistic “wish lists” for you to share with Grandpa, Aunt Missie or Cousin Carl. Children need to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and that while parents often wish they could fulfill their children’s every desire, that’s just not financially possible.

Instead, parents need to be resolute in managing the holiday “gimmies” by repeatedly sending home the message that gift-opening day will be nice, but may not include everything on a child’s list – and that’s OK.

So what’s the best way to start managing your child’s expectations? It can start with teaching basic money concepts. Children should understand that you work to earn money, and that you need money to pay for basic living expenses. Anything above that should be spread among paying off debts and saving for the future. What’s left can be used for discretionary spending. Explaining this division of money concept to your children will help them understand where your money goes.

Next, use the above exercise to explain that because of all those expenses, your children won’t receive everything on their wish list. There just isn’t enough money to go around. However, some children, especially younger ones, won’t comprehend that your wallet has limitations. They also may not understand that you lost your job this year or faced another financial difficulty that has tightened your holiday shopping budget. In these cases, it’s important to continuously communicate your financial situation in a way that doesn’t burden your child into worrying about where their next meal will come from. That worry may indeed be your reality, but it’s often beneficial from a psychological perspective to keep those worries away from younger children.

It’s important to craft your conversation about money based on your child’s age and maturity. Tell them what you think they can bear to hear about your family’s financial situation. Be direct and give them examples of the kinds of gifts you can and cannot afford to give them this year. Don’t be afraid to tell them that the new game system or cell phone they want is simply outside your budget this year.

Next, give them a pencil, a piece of paper and a calculator. Have them write down their holiday wish list. Younger children can draw pictures to make theirs. Either way, this is their chance to write to their heart’s content. Then, give them a budget and tell them to prioritize their list based on the cost of each item. You can use a computer or circular ad from their favorite store to identify the price of each item. Completing this exercise will quickly illustrate and likely change a child’s perceptions about items they sort of want versus items they really want. Re-evaluate your child’s list with them a few days or weeks later to see if their priorities have changed. (Unfortunately for you and your desire to shop in advance, you can count on some shifts in their lists – even up until the day before you’re supposed to unwrap gifts!)

Now that you have a reasonable wish list, don’t stray from it. Buy only those items and your wallet will thank you. Your kids might even express their own gratitude!

Teach Kids to Give

Finally, don’t forget that in between all the “getting,” it’s also a good time to reinforce “giving” by teaching children how to participate in this holiday tradition. Just remember that giving doesn’t have to be tied to money; instead, help your children identify inexpensive or free ways they can give to others. Perhaps children could serve meals to the homeless as part of a group of neighbors, friends, or family. Maybe they could offer free babysitting, wrap packages, or shovel snow off driveways in their neighborhood. Or, encourage your kids to bake cookies or other treats for their friends or teachers at school. They could even take over a sibling’s chores at home for a week. Click here for more ideas.

Another way children can give is simply to give away toys, books, or games they no longer use or want. Then, help them identify a future home for any donated items. Examples could include a local children’s hospital, preschool, church nursery, or even a family in your neighborhood.

Don’t Sweat It

Parents often dream about giving more to their children than they had as kids themselves, but don’t let the consumerism of the holidays overshadow the importance of just spending time together and creating holiday traditions of your own. Children are resilient and their immediate disappointment and tantrums over items they didn’t get will eventually be replaced with acceptance and joy that you can spend time with them this holiday. When your children are grown, they won’t likely remember what they did or did not receive one particular year, but they will remember sitting around the dinner table together, laughing and just enjoying quality family time…even if they don’t admit it now.

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